True inner responsibility centers on our willingness to give voice to whatever is happening to us in the midst of a relationship. This is important not only for you, but also for the person you are relating to. Love only becomes real in the world through our ability to respond to our true inner feelings. Bringing who you are to a relationship - being your TRUE SELF - gives others the opportunity to transcend their limitations by acting on their love. It gives the other person a chance to show up and also show their TRUE SELF.
If you remain voiceless, then the other person can unconsciously keep living out whatever inequity or imbalance they are involved in with you, but once you show your hurt or frustration or confusion or question, then they have the chance to stop their unconscious participation in the pattern of the relationship. The key to whether they will respond to you or not often has to do with LOVE, the one thing that can break the inertia of old behavior.
I always find myself remaining voiceless to hurt or pain due to the fact that even though you may be hurting my feelings or breaking my heart continuously, I don't want to hurt ANYONE, but especially not anyone I love. I don't want anyone to feel like they failed or didn't live up to my expectations. Isn't it ironic how most of the people who are really able to hurt us are the people that are closest and most dear to our heart?
When I finally decide I will talk to the person who is hurting me, I try to psych myself up and tell myself that releasing my feelings will be beneficial not only for me, but for the other person too. Maybe they are completely unaware of the hurt they are causing and this will be a turning point in our relationship and maybe their lives? Probably not, but you never know. Whether or not they respond how I would like for them to is out of my hands and honestly, it doesn't matter because my answer will be clear through their actions thereafter. If they truly love me they will at the very least acknowledge the hurt & attempt to do better. Because isn't that all we really want? At least for me, I don't expect anyone to make a complete 180 (however, sometimes that would be great), but I do expect them to at the very least attempt to make improvements.
Until you break your silence, the other person doesn't have the chance to say, "What can we do to change all this?" And doesn't everyone deserve that chance? I think so.
Often, we spend so much time waiting for the other to just magically catch on and see the pain that we feel is so obvious, becoming more and more frustrated and wounded the longer they are completely oblivious to anything going wrong, but this is the definition of a limitation: not being able to see what is obvious. Everyone isn't blessed with the power of being observant.
So, while we dread voicing our fears and hurts to one another, love has NO way of being acted on without something truthful to respond to.
Keep in mind that just because someone doesn't show you love the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have and if they are, in fact, loving you with all they have... then really.. what more can we ask for? If this is the case, then we have to learn to accept that person for who they are.
Trust that God will show you when and how to voice this truth to the person in your life who needs and deserves the chance to hear it.
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